False Advertising

My friend Chris once told us the story about his aunt, who at 60, straddles around with her fake tan and imagine that, velour-type sweatpants with the word "juicy" written across her butt.

In this instance, it is obvious that Chris's aunt's butt was, indeed, not juicy at all.

In the last couple of weeks, however, I have noticed a series of similar false advertising displays all around Seattle; two of these examples definitely worth mentioning to prove my point.

The first was a couple of weeks ago, where I, while waiting for my bus, spotted a fairly attractive girl, who was wearing her matching white hoodie/sweatpants combo. What is noteworthy, however, is the pants: they were white, almost see-through, made of soft material that definitely tightly hugged her butt, with the word "JUICY" stamped across it. Now, suffice it to say, that the contour was not that of a smooth pair of cheeks; on the contrary, one could definitely see not two sets of humps, but several little jiggly bits moving underneath the white canvas. I think it's fairly safe to say that what was hiding behind those pants, was in fact, a cottage cheese butt, if you get what I mean. So no, not "juicy" at all. "Jello-ish," maybe, but not "juicy."

My second encounter with this kind of overt false advertising took place just a couple of days ago, where, while walking home from work, I noticed a full-figured woman (come on, we're being PC here) proudly showing off her ultra-tight black t-shirt with the words "HOT STUFF" written across her boobonic rack in METALLIC SPARKLES. Now, I don't have anything against the well-endowned (in fact, I envy them, as I have small ones), but I believe that boobs that take up 3/4 of a woman's torax is NOT what I would call "HOT STUFF", especially when embellished by some tacky gold color sparkles.

Advertisers get sued all the time for false advertising, so why is it that people can walk around doing the same and not having to deal with the consequences???

Weird Geek Looks for Love

Ok, so unfortunately I have had the very unpleasant experience of being asked out by Geeks over e-mail, but this is ridiculous!

Keep in mind that "Weird Geek" (whose identity shall not be revealed...He might not have any self-respect, but I'm trying to help him out here...) is a complete stranger.

All of Weird Geek's e-mails are in "slimy green," which is what he is...slimy.

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From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:07 PM
To: Kelly Chow
Subject: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Yo, Good to see, Galen, eh? Glad you made it by last night.
How about Friday, can you make the Heat? Best game all year? Maybe the Eastern Conference finalists? Can you make it?

D Weird Geek

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From: Kelly Chow
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:10 PM
To: Weird GeekSubject: RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Hi Weird Geek, I don't think this was meant for me...Just want to make sure you send it to the right person...

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From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:15 PM
To: Kelly ChowSubject:

RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns
Ah... nope. That's embarrassing. It was meant for my buddy CHRIS Chow. Oops. Well, since I haven't asked him yet, wanna go instead? lol
Thanks, Weird Geek

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From: Kelly Chow
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:19 PM
To: Weird GeekSubject:
RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

:) I think your buddy would appreciate the game more than I ever would :)

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From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:36 PM
To: Kelly Chow
Subject: RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Right on. Sorry bout that. D