The case of the maroon turtleneck

When I worked at a well-known software company, my friend Lauren and I would amuse ourselves by making fun of all the geeks and the odd things they do. We would also call out all the "visual offenses" (as Lauren called them) we saw. We would dream of metal detector-type machines that would be installed in front of all building doors, sounding off alarms for all geeks that wore socks with Tevas or Taz-mania slippers. For the worst fashion offenders, however, such as those wearing red (Dolce) leather pants, skinny 9-inch ponytails of greasy hair, 1980's high-top black Reeboks or had their last names tatooed on their arms, a mini-cage would drop down from the ceiling, thus imprisoning those who are a menace to the fashion world and the social world in general.

When I started working at an advertising agency, I was relieved to see that I was going to be surrounded by the new JCrew/Banana Republic fall collection and an occasional Dolce and Gabanna ensemble (not the leather pants though).

So you will understand my shock when somebody, SOMEBODY showed up at work with nothing less and nothing more than a maroon turtleneck underneath an oversize Cosby sweater! I was speechless, perplexed, offended, indignant. Since then, the maroon turtleneck/Cosby sweater duo has made several other (unwelcomed) appearances, much to my dismay.