Faith Hill Gets Pissed

For those of you who thought she had it all (sexy man, beautiful children, looks, fortune, etc), you'll get a kick out of this:

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=5560

The Second BEST Xmas Present EVER (after the trip to Barcelona)

For the past several months, I have been probing Diesel to see what he would get me for Xmas. That entailed all tactics you can think of, from subtly pointing to things that I wanted to shamelessly and blatantly requesting this or that. I also enlisted help from a few trusted friends with good taste to make sure that Diesel was being watched and didn't get me GEAR or anything UGLY. And finally, the day came.

This Christmas, I got...

(drumroll)

(Hallelluiah song)

A GREEN IPOD NANO!

(applause)

Yes, another one! In addition to the one he gave me for my birthday, but I lost (or perhaps it got stolen).

I am very happy indeed!

And before you accuse me of losing everything--which I will be the first to admit, is a very reasonable accusation--I'd like to defend myself by saying that when Diesel lived in the ghetto, I often had to hide all my valuables around his house when we left for trips. So the laptop would end up under the bed, the iPod in the bathroom, my earrings in the flour container, and so forth.

Until one day, when I couldn't find it. Where I lost it (or it got stolen) is still unclear, but I'm pretty sure it is still hidden somewhere in his house in the ghetto. The only other explanation is that it got stolen, because I would never lose such a treasured present. And who in the world would want an iPod loaded with Britney Spears and Ricky Martin songs anyway?

Ugly Xmas Sweater Party

It was a hit. And by hit I mean, there was some SERIOUS UGLY scattered around our living room. Many ugly sweaters, but the first prize went to BJ, who went all out with his festively horrendous outfit. Yes, he did create quite a commotion as other guests disputed his first-prize title, since he was NOT actually wearing a sweater.

But in the end, ugliness trumped fairness.

Here are some pics from the event:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14628299@N00/sets/72157594433293009/

On Throwing My 4-Year Old Niece into a Cactus

(WAIT! I have an excuse)

Last weekend we went to AZ to visit Tim's parents in AZ. His sister Kelly, her husband, and her 3 kids were there as well.

It was fun hanging out with the kids that can talk and walk, Drew and McKenzie. McKenzie and I are pretty good buddies, so after an afternoon of rock climbing with the kids, she asked me if I'd go with her on a walk around the hood. Fine with me, after gaining 5 pounds lately, I have been in need of exercise, even if it's walking slowly next to a preschooler.

So I had this great idea that I would make the walk interactive and we would walk around the cacti, ya know, to make myself feel good about teaching my niece about plants.

As we turned a corner in which there were two cacti, I heard McKenzie scream, so I immediately turned around. There they were: two cacti balls, one attached to her little leg and the other attached to her even littleer hand. PANIC! The poor kid! My first reaction was to grab the prickly balls with my bear hands and throw them the other direction. So I did. BAD idea. Next thing I know, I got cactus on my hand, while awkwardly trying to rid my niece of the damn thing!

All the while, the poor kid was crying and screaming, and I felt very bad indeed for her...and guilty. And even after I had pulled all the prickly pieces off of her, and started pulling them off of me, she would scream and cry for me...

The next day we went for a hike with Drew, Tim's dad and McKenzie. Every time there was a cactus, the little girl would balk. And freeze. I mean, she had been seriously traumatized by the experience. And then Tim's dad did something AMAZING. Something that only somebody who raised three kids (and a kid like Tim, nonetheless) would know to do. He asked McKenzie: "Well, you're wearing all pink, aren't you?" She nodded. He goes: "Well, cactus cannot go through PINK!" I just thought that was a genious move and it did help.

So I am destined to forever be the "aunt who threw her niece into a cactus." It's very sad, but one day I will tell little McKenzie this tragic story and she will laugh her little butt off...I hope.

At least she told me before I left that she still likes me.

My Favorite New Show

So I have not followed any TV dramas in several years. With the season's new shows and the ability to watch ALL of the hit ABC shows online with limited commercial breaks (go to www.abc.com), this has changed.

I have discovered the BEST new TV drama, heck, BEST TV show this season: Day Break. I am also glad that Taye Diggs is finally on a show that will not be canceled. He's awesome and so is his new show. Check it out.

The Best Present EVER

Almost exactly two years ago, Diesel gave me the BEST Xmas present EVER. And as we all know, it wasn't just the present, it was also the presentation.

Diesel took me to a nice dinner at one of our favorite Seattle restaurants, the Harvest Vine. It's a cozy little restaurant in Madison Park where we like to sit at the bar and watch the chefs make updated versions of classic Spanish tapas. After a delicious meal, he gave me my Xmas present. I was unimpressed with the card. Was that it??? He said some nice things, blah, blah, blah, and then..."the one thing we haven't done together is go on a loong, nice vacation. This is why I have gotten us tickets to go to BARCELONA in February."

I was floored. That was the best present EVER! Barcelona is by far my favorite city in all of Europe. And I was going there again, with Diesel. On the other hand, I was also sad. There was no way Diesel would ever top himself. No future Xmas present would ever be good enough.

Anyhow, so the point is, he was able to get a good deal on the tickets due to the SAS specials that they run every Xmas. This is how it works: on each of the 24 days leading up the Xmas, SAS has a great deal on tickets to one selected European city. This year it's $299 each way.

So this year, now that we're married and all, and I don't even get an argyle sweater (read about how Diesel didn't get me an argyle sweater here), I figured there would be no surprise trip and decided to take it upon myself to make myself happy with a little vacation. The best part is that now that we're married, my money is still mine, and his money is mine as well. So it works out pretty well for me, financially speaking.

As I was navigating the page, I had my TV on the PBS Rick Steves special. He was going on about how Prague is amazing city. When I lived in Germany, I had a couple of chances to go to Prague, but somehow never made it. I always regretted it. Anyhow, so as Rick was all singing praises about Prague, the SAS special for today was finally revealed: PRAGUE!

Coincidence? I think not. In fact, I think it was a sign. I emergency-called Diesel. My idea was shot down. Apparently we need to save money. "Why, oh why?," I ask.

I keep telling myself that Diesel will indeed read this and get us tickets to go to Prague and surprise me on Xmas eve. Unfortunately, I have an inkling that this will not happen. Now that we're married there is less incentive to impress me, or maybe no incentive at all.

Somebody Stole Our Idea...

Or maybe we stole theirs.

So Diesel and I decided to throw our first Xmas party at the new condo. We are VERY excited about it. After careful deliberation, we decided to go for a theme, and we chose "UGLY Xmas Sweater Party," where our fab friends will show up with their most ugly and disgusting wardrobe pieces, and we can all laugh at each other.

Lauren said she didn't have an ugly Xmas sweater, but she could wear her husband's ugly Cosby sweater. This statement instigated some deeper investigation on our part, as I tried to google her a pic of a classic Cosby sweater. In googling this, I ran accross this site:

http://www.darthvato.com/cosbysweater.html

Awesome, isn't it???

Good Riddance

"The only thing that's gonna be left after a nuclear holocaust is Cher and cockroaches."

This was once said in reference to the resilience of two of the world's ugliest and nastiest creatures.

So the other day Diesel and I went to Goodwill to donate several of our winter sweaters. There were about 30 pieces of clothing altogether. We dropped it off, and upon getting off our car, I saw them. Staring at me. Mocking me. There they were: the VINYL PANTS.

For those who haven't known my husband for very long, there was a time where he was a pseudo rock star. And during this tumultuous identity crisis, he purchased a pair of what he thought at the time to be the MOST AWESOME pants. VINYL. SHINY. BLACK. UGLY. NASTY. UGH.

Vinyl pants were NEVER in, unlike their close cousins, but equally nasty, the leather pants for men. And even then, those were only semi cool-looking on old and crusty gay German men with chicken legs.

But I digress...

So there they were. One of the world's ironies. The most despised piece of clothing in the pile REMAINED. Like Cher and the cockroaches.

Ivy Dreams

When white peeps go on reality TV shows they get to wear their cute bikinis and live on a remote island. Or they get to travel around the world with their best friend. Or they get to go to Italy and date a real Italian prince.

However, when my Asian peeps go on a reality show they don't get to go anywhere or meet anybody interesting. Instead, they get to stay at home and do what they always do: STUDY. So it doesn't come as a surprise that THE only reality-show about Asian-Americans is a show that follows 4 unfortunate individuals as they study, study, and study. The prize: an Ivy League education. I am NOT kidding, you go check it out yourself:

http://azntv.com/ivydreams/

It is very sad indeed...

Beware of the Stinky Tofu

"There should be a kitchen policy against food that smells so bad!," announced my friend Cat, indignant, as she walked out of our floor kitchen.

And then, I inhaled it: the unmistakable smell of my grandma's hope chest. A chest where she kept her traditional silk Chinese dresses, adorned with beautiful embroidery. Along with MOTH BALLS, to keep them from being eaten by cockroaches and such.

So being in a multi-diverse workplace is great, as you get to meet and talk to people of other cultures. However, for those averse to the practice of consuming fish head, chicken feet, stinky tofu, cow brains and such, this means that the kitchen of such multi-diverse workplace becomes the source of horrific smells and even more horrific sights.

Today's perpetrator probably had some fish that has been buried in the ground for a good couple of months and then was mixed with stinky tofu. I say, anything that smells like something that KILLS COCKROACHES should not be allowed in the microwave.

Bea in Town and Hair on Fire

Last night, we had dinner with my friend Bea. The evening started off very odd. I spotted Bea and Ben having drinks at the bar in our favorite hangout, Wasabi Bistro. I gave Bea and big hug, as I hadn't seen her in a year (she lives in London). She immediately asked: "Where is Tim?" I was like: "What? Well, I didn't think he was invited." She looked at me funny and said: "Well, it WAS a 1-month late WEDDING CELEBRATION, wasn't it? Details, details.

This all came about because 4 days before our wedding, Bea, who already had her plane ticket, a dress, matching shoes and shawl for the said wedding, fell down the stairs and fractured her foot. She tried to convince her doctor to still let her go on her transatlantic flight, but he just wouldn't budge, claiming her foot was too swollen and she'd probably get a blood clot on the plane. Details, details. So her trip was postponed until her foot got better and she was off her crutches. And that's how the 1-month late wedding celebration dinner came about. Now if I had only realized I was supposed to invite my husband...

Anyhow, we caught up on the past year, drank sake (well, whatever was left after Ben shamelessly gulped most of it), and just chatted for a long time. Nadja joined us an hour later. At some point, Ben and I were just listening. All of a sudden, I heard a sorta buzzing sound, and then smelled something weird. Like burning hair. I turned to Ben, who looked at me in disbelief, and then said: "I just burned my hair." Ben was like: "Yeah, I know. I can smell it." fortunately I have a lot of it, so I'm doing fine.

Diesel joined us later that evening. Thank God, cuz I had enough of people telling me it was OUR wedding celebration.

30 and Fab!

Last night, after watching the season finale of Project Runway 3, I was DEVASTATED. I cannot believe that foul-mouth, mean, and ruthless Jeff won!

However, despite the sad things that happen in life, I had reason to celebrate today: Today is my good friend Lauren's 30th Bday! And she still looks FAB! In fact, upon learning that she was hitting the big 3-0, a co-worker said: "Wow, you look like you're 25!" Of course this could be attributed to the age-long question: "how do you tell how old an Asian is?" Indeed it's very hard to tell, but a good rule of thumb is to add 10 yrs to what your guess is.

Anyhow, HAPPY BDAY LORENA! You're my most fabulous friend...and you DESERVE your $550 bag!

On the Worst Flight EVER

Tim and I left Sri Lanka early. Don't ask. Just know that when we are back we will go off on this topic.

Anyhow, we are now safe and sound here in Singapore. This is a WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL place, esp. after what we've been through. We came back safe and sound (no mines or bombings), parasite free and diarrhea free as well. We were very excited to come back to the first world, but before we did, there was a little obstacle: flying Sri Lankan Air.

Now, our flight to Sri Lanka was quite alright, but coming back...

It all started when we smelled curry on the plane. Now I've flown Asian airlines before, and it would after seeing my peeps bring WATERMELLON (and NO, not the seedless kind, so on top of being ghetto like that they would also spit out the seeds on the trays), so it would not have surprised me if somebody on the plane had brought curry from home in a tupperware. However, much to our surprise, they served curry on the plane. WHO THE HELL SERVES CURRY ON THE PLANE ON A MIDNIGHT FLIGHT, AT 2 IN THE MORNING????!!!! Apparently they do.

And the lights remained on for the 3 out of the 4 hrs of the flight. Anyhow, we made it. I LOVE Singapore...

On the Worst Train Ride Ever

After being caccooned within the safe walls of our marvelous hotel for a couple of days, Diesel and I decided to venture out and visit the beach town of Unawatuna, a known hippie/surfer hangout, one of the only places in this country that has anything close to a night life (and by "night life" I mean single bar that stays open till 2am). In a bold (and stupid) move, we decided to do as the Sri Lankans do and take the train. The trains here a ancient machines, which never ever have any room to sit down. Diesel and I stayed between the two carts, enjoying a open air ride. The ride to Unawatuna was rather fun and interesting, but it was on the way back that I started to curse the Sri Lankan trains. We were lucky enough to find a spot to stand right next to the bathroom. Just to have an idea of the dire hygienic situation, consider this: the plumbing on the bathroom at the main station was "disconnected" and it did NOT smell as bad as the one on the train. The intense heat, merciless humidity and the BO tthat engulfed us, was unbearable.
After that experience, Club Villa seemed even better than it was before.

On Tuk-Tuks

When one first arrives in Sri Lanka, he is fascinated by little cute 3-wheel cars called tuk-tuk (they have a cute name as well). Upon embarking on one of the colorful little cars covered in cartoo charater and flower stickers, one comes to realize that the cute little cars are in fact, little death machines. Everybody here is a bad driver and life is elusive when one is on the road, but danger reaches its extreme when you find yourself in the middle of these merciless, crazy drivers while in a tuk tuk. Here they are considered to be a convenient means of transport, but I will dare to say that it's also an effective way of population control.

On My Scrabble Revenge

This slow pace of life has allowed us to read lots and just take lots of naps and swims during the day...and eat, of course eat with no restraint nor guilt. It has also given us enough time to master the art of playing Scrabble. The first game was the most unbelievable and most of all, the most unfair game ever in the history of Scrabble matches. Diesel won with words like "not," "yes," and "bay," whereas I had beautiful (and if not beautiful, at least words longer than 1 syllable) words such as "escrow" and "raiding." What the !()$*!@#$!????? Needless to say, in a rematch, I beat him.

Diesel also tried to talk me into learning chess again. I told him that I had a bad experience as a kid. He asked me what this horrible experience was, and when I told him, "being lost and confused and hating it," he said it didn't qualify.

So I was forced to play again and to speed up the game, I committed suicide on the chess board. Diesel was less than excited about this, but at least he can't say I didn't give it another shot.

On Eating Curry Every Day

All you need to know about Sri Lankan cuisine is that they eat curry every day and for every single meal. Curry and rice, curry and hoppers (thin noodles), curry and roti (a rather bland coconut pancake).

So it is no surprise that we've had curry every single days, usually for more than more meal since we got here. This culinary experiece culminated in the last couple of days where we had curry even for breakfast. Good stuff. Diesel and I will try our hands at making curry whe we get back.

On Turning Cushions All Day Long

Our first stop in Sri Lanka was Bentota, one of the beach towns in the southern part of the country. The town is known for its beautiful beaches--which I would have to say were a let down, but taht's a different story--but the place we stayed at, Club Villa, was amazing. It was one of the smaller hotels (as opposed to one of the big resorts full of hoards of Germans) and the staff was just perfect. Being low season and all, I did notice that the staff spends an awful large chunk of their time moving and flipping the cushions on the beach and lawn chairs. It's quite a spectacle to see. They start off the day by flipping them a couple of times before placing them on the chairs. My guess is they're fluffing them up for guests. Then, at the first threat of rain (and there have been some torrential storms around these parts), they will quickly stack them up on one side of the pool. Several times during the afternoon, they will again make their rounds and flip the cushions again.

On the Sri Lankan "Enterpreneurial Spirit"

Our friend Gabe traveled to Vietnam last year. Being the adventurer he is, he loved it there, but did say that it seemed that all the people there wanted somehow to make money off of him. This is how it feels here in Sri Lanka. Every time we are out and about and some friendly stranger strikes up a seemingly innocent conversation with us, we invariably end up at a gem shop, at some tourist office where they try to sell travel packages, being asked by some random dude to buy him booze, etc.

On Our Way to Sri Lanka!

So I have lots to tell about the wedding, but since I only got 4 more min on the Internet, just wanted to let you all know that Diesel and I made it to Singapore (after 17 hrs of flying and 20 hrs of travelling) safe and sound.

The awesome thing was that we travelled BUSINESS CLASS. We were checking in and the lady at the counter was confirming our reservations: Tim Sale and Kelly Chow, business class. My eyes grew really big. BUSINESS CLASS!!!

Anyhow, besides the fine china and the fact that they offer you TWO, not just one drink, you also get tons of legroom and a chair that leans back almost all the way...

More to come later. We're now going to catch our plane to Sri Lanka.

By the way, thanks to all of you who were at the wedding! It was the happiest day of my life and you were all part of the reason.

Lots of Love!

Kelly

The Eight Days of Ugliness

I got my first pair of glasses at fourteen. Not surprisingly, my parents decided to go the cheap route, and with complete disregard for all teenage angst and their need to fit in, got me what, to this day, I think is the UGLIEST pair of glasses ever. And it didn't help that my brother started singing "Imagine," in homage of the late John Lenon, which he said I ressembled when wearing the glasses. GREAT.

I begged and begged to get contacts, and the parents finally gave in. Since then, I have NEVER been seen in public wearing glasses. And not even the black framed, artsy sorta glasses coming into fashion gave me reason enough to switch.

So fifteen years later I find myself in a situation where I absolutely have to wear glasses. Yes, I've decided to take the plunge and am getting lasik surgery in three days. Very exciting. However, the eight days preceding this long awaited, glorious, day have not done anything for my ego. In fact, I call them the eight days of ugliness. And here how it goes:

(Thurs) On the first day of ugliness, I jumped on a plane in Dallas and landed in Seattle with glasses on. My co-worker did a double-take. He said nothing. But I saw a little gasp. He was horrified by my appearance.

(Fri) On the second day of ugliness, I showed up at work with glasses on. During our team meeting, I kept taking my glasses off to take pictures--it was my co-worker's going away lunch. I admitted vanity and had to announce that it was my first time in 15 years wearing glasses, and that yes, I knew that the frames are crooked and uneven (I've sat on them many times).

(Sat) On the third day of ugliness, I realized another annoyance about glasses: you can't wear sunglasses! Unless you get the flip sunglasses that fit on top of your lenses. That would make me double ugly and triple dorky.

(Sun) On the fourth day of ugliness I got little marks on the bridge of my nose, testament to the pain and suffering that it is to have to support thick, heavy lenses on my nose in truly acrobatic fashion (remember, they are crooked as well).

(Mon) On the fifth day of ugliness, I decided to go for a run on Myrtle Edwards Park by my house. With every step, I felt the glasses bouncing up and down, hitting the bridge of my nose, causing annoyance and reminding me once again that I was wearing horrible glasses.

...And this brings us back to today, (Tue) the sixth day of ugliness, when while typing away at work, my co-worker came up to talk to me. All of a sudden, I heard something drop on my desk. And then I realized: MY LENS HAD POPPED OUT OF MY FRAMES!!!! Ghettoness had reached its limit! My co-worker turned around and went: "Dude, was that your lens?." And indeed it was. My co-worker quickly suggested I tape it to the frames. Was he kidding me??!!! Next thing I know, there were three people all trying to get the obstinate little lens back into the frames. A girl was finally able to loosely screw the little pin back in, and all three warned me that I had to be careful with it. And to go tape my glasses. A fourth person suggested I get an eye patch. What the (*&U$#@???

I get my consultation on Thurs and surgery will follow on Fri. I cannot wait to rid myself of these damn glasses!!! And I guess in the meantime I'll have to deal with whatever the last two days of ugliness will bring.

Pray for me. With a wedding coming up and a honeymooon just around the corner, I simply cannot afford to go blind.

"Ok Go--On Treadmills"

Emy, Charlie, Erica and Brian came over for dinner on Friday. After a couple of hours of conversing, Brian brings up a cool video that he recently saw on YouTube.

It's a bunch of relatively old dudes dancing to "Ok Go" (a song I've never heard of, but very catchy tune) on treadmills. It's actually quite well choreographed (as far as treadmill dances are concerned). Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeeR4Vnvs8U

My Almost Run-In with JT

On Wed and Thurs I went to Dallas to meet my new client. I went there with my 4 co-workers, all guys. After dining with the client, one of my co-workers somehow convinced everybody to go out to the Ghost Bar at the W Hotel.

It was like something out of Vegas, only the crowd was not as good looking. A lot of Midwesterners wannabes, but what did we expect on a Wed night, right?

Anyhow, at around 12:30, we finally left the bar, as we had a presentation at 9am the next morning (which thank goodness I did not have to present, as I am brand new). I was exhausted and was out as soon as I got to bed.

This morning, right before the meeting, one of the guys, who ended up staying until later nonchalantly informed us that right about the time we left, JT showed up with his entourage. Yes, JT himself, aka Justin Timberlake, aka the non-gay NSync member.

I CANNOT belive that I missed him but about 20 min!!! Is that bad luck or what?

Hooray, We're All Moved In!

Last Thurs we officially moved into our new condo. HOORAY! Very exciting.

The process of moving itself, however, is not exciting at all. In fact, it's traumatic and cumbersome, even when you use movers--which is what we did this time.

I had been packed for several days in preparation for the actual moving day. Needless to say, I was missing some essentials. So there I was at work. Wearing my Brazilian bikini bottom as underwear (if you know anything about Brazilian swimwear, you are aware that those tiny bottoms give you an instant wedgie) while walking in shoes that rubbed against my heel because there were no socks to be found. Lovely.

Anyhow, the place is still a mess, but we are all moved in!

Where There's a Will, There's a Way...And Where There Is Stinginess, There is Also a Way

So now that we are approaching the big day, Diesel and I realize that certains things have to be taken care of. One of them is learning how to dance. That's right. The white boy with no rythm and the Asian girl with no coordination will have to follow tradition and entertain the whole wedding crowd with our spasmsmatic dance moves.

I started calling dance schools to see who would take such horrible students such as ourselves. Apparently all of them do, as long as we're willing to pay them big bucks. The going rate is 100/hr, and apparently, we need about FIVE classes to get trained on dancing for our first song. That's a grand total of FIVE HUNDRED dollars!!! What the (*&#$(&##????

Indignant and stingy, I decided I would find a cheap way to do it. And indeed I did. With my beloved library card in hand, I put a hold on every single ballroom dancing DVD/VHS tapes available in the King County Library System. Cost: $0.00.

And then I remembered. Why have to even waste gas picking those up from the library if I could have them delivered to our house? So I Netflixed "ballroom dance" and found several beginner courses on DVD. I was ecstatic.

"How good and effective are these self-learn DVD's?," you ask? I have no clue. You be the judge at the wedding...

Bridal Shower

My friends Kristin, Tarah and Regina planned and hosted my birdal shower. It was lovely and the food was fabulous!

There were flowers, and everybody made their favorite dishes and gave me their recipes. We played some games all revolving around the "food/cooking" theme and the best part was that friends from different circles got to meet.

Thank you K, Tarah and Regina for a wonderful and memorable shower!

The Glass Castle

This is actually one of first book club books I've really enjoyed. Given the difference in tastes of each of the members of my "Never Five" book club--named as such because in the 2 years since its inception no book has ever received a perfect score of "5"--this book scored a high "4."

A now successful writer, Jeannette Walls reminisces about her seemingly happy but turbulent childhood. Raised by her "free spirited" parents, she experiences poverty, deprivation, and remembers her parents with surprisingly fondness despite the reality of her family life.

I read this in two sittings as we flew to and back from Germany.

Even Molly and I, who NEVER agree on books gave this a 4. Worth the read. You can get it at Amazon.com.

Ronaldo, Beckham, Robinho and Roberto Carlos in Seattle

Yesterday my friend Michele from running club IM'ed me. She had big news. BIG NEWS. Real Madrid is coming to Seattle to play an exhibition game against United DC (from Washington DC).

All our excitement to get tickets (which went on pre-sale on Tickemaster yesterday) came crashing down when we found out that you had to have a special code to buy the tickets, since they are not being sold to the "general" public yet.

Diesel said he could give us the hookup, because his co-worker knows the Seattle Sounders owner, who I guess was involved in planning the whole event. Anyhow, Diesel did not come through, but Michele did.

So we got TICKETS! We are going to see some big stars. The Brazilians: Ronaldo (bald, fat and really not that great of a player now), Roberto Carlos and the adorable Robinho as well as the super hot David Beckham!

The event also revived our little soccer bunch--Tarah, Regina, Kristin and Corinne--so we're all gonna go! August 8! Oh, if you want the code to get the tix on pre-sale, it's: KJRAM06

Camping in Rainier

Last weekend I went camping with my good friend Adrienne and her friends. Truth be told, I was dreading the hot weather that they have been predicting, especially knowing that there would be hiking on Sat--and I HATE hiking.

It was a huuuge group of people. Most of us drove up on Fri night, and the rest arrived the next day, just in time for the hiking trip. The hike itself wasn't too bad, it was about 3 miles round trip. However, the scorching sun made that quite a trip. Fortunately, all 15 or so of us made it all the way to the top and enjoyed the beautiful view.

Germany 3 x Portugal 1

The place was packed. It was a pizzeria that had a big screen and was broadcasting the 3rd place Germany x Portugal game. Even though Winny's roommate (Anja) decided to boycott all things Italian after Germany lost to Italy, we were up for some pizza and a good time.

There were tons of people at the pizza place, but luckily Ramona (Winny's other roommate) and her friends got a table.

If losing sucked, winning 3rd place provided at least some kind of consolation, especially given the German pride phenomenon that spurted with the World Cup. Afterwards the whole crowed headed over to Leopoldstrasse, one of the several "Fan Meile" (fan mile) set up all across the country, where streets were closed, so that fans could celebrate.

The place was packed and people were singing and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. we left at about 3, but there was much partying beyond that...

Here are some pics of the craziness that ensued...



Winny's rommates and friends...


Winny, Sandra, Ramona, Tim and I

BG Update

Despite being the most disliked and probably the most despised character of all of my anecdotes, it seems that BG, my arch-nemesis, is the most popular person in this blog and the subject of many inquiries.

To clarify some of the questions that have come up, YES, BG is in fact, a real person. I do not make these things up. All of the stories recounted here, despite having a bit of flair and embellishment added (for entertainment purposes only), are based on true facts.

BG latest:

Today, one of our co-workers came over and started cracking up. A second co-worker and I stared at her in confusion. She pointed towards BG's desk and there it was: BG had put his head down and was TAKING A NAP. Let me reiterate it, because no, you did not read it wrong: There, in the middle of all the cubicles, there he was, shamelessly SLEEPING instead of working. And unlike George Costanza, who at least went to the trouble of hiding under his desk, BG just sat there, bald head on his immaculate desk (he is freakishly clean), catching some z's.

And then the funniest thing happened. After 5-10 min, he woke up, got his jacket and said: "I am going home." It was 3:40pm. I guess sleeping at work makes you tired.

Our New Digs

A most exciting thing happened right before we left for Germany...2 days before our departure, Diesel and I put an offer on a condo in Belltown. After having to go back and forth with the seller via fax while in Munich, our offer got accepted!

Site17 is a 4-year old rental building where all the units were remodelled and turned into condos. Awesome location and very cool layout. Check it out:

http://www.site17.com/photos.htm

We close next week, and in the meantime, Diesel and I have been busting our arses every weekend to get his house ready to go on the market. It's been a long road, but we got it all done yesterday night, and the open house is this Wed. We did tons of work inside the house, so selling it will be bittersweet...

But we got a new place, how exciting!

Why Brazil, Germany and Portugal Lost...by KC

Why did these powerhouses lose? Because Diesel JINXED them!

1) Why did Brazil lose?
The night before the big game between Brazil and France, Tiim said he was going to play the Playstation 2 to "predict the final game score." By playing Brazil, he got beat 7 x NOTHING. And that is why my team lost.

2) Why did Germany lose?
Right before we left for the Fan Fest, where we would be joining the crowds in watching the Germany x Italy game on a big screen, Diesel mentioned that he had forgotten to wear his lucky penguin boxers to give Germany good luck. And that's why my team lost.

3) Why did Portugal lose?
Because Tim said they were going to beat France, that's why.

Day 3 in Germany: We Got World Cup Tickets!

After working until 2:30 in the morning, I got up at around 11. I was tired. Winny and his roommate Anja let us borrow their bikes, so off we went to explore the city on our bikes.

The problem is that despite my Chinese genes, I have horrible bike riding skills. I saw many a senior citizens pass me, and the worst blow came when an 60 year old lady with a rusty bike that was about to fall apart passed me as well.

We went to the Olympic Stadium, where they are holding a Fan Fest for soccer fans. During game days/nights, they show the games on a giant screen that stands in the middle of a sorta amphitheater. We had lunch there in the beergarden.

After that we decided to ride around the neighborhood and I went to the grocery store for the third time today. Don't ask me why, but I feel that grocery stores are kind of a tourist attraction of their own.

We came home and got ready for the Portugal x France game, for which we had tickets. Getting to the stadium was quite a track. Fortunately we got on the train before the hundred of fans tried to get on. Diesel took some cool pics on his blog. The game in itself was not so exciting, since all of the teams we were rooting for (Brazil, US and Germany) are out. We sat behind the Portuguese fans, and honestly, despite all their animated cheers, it was pathetic to see them rooting for their team. I never thought that there was any chance that they would win it.

Being there though was quite the experience. The World Cup is, after all, one of the BIGGEST sporting events in the world, and we were part if it!

Getting home wasn't as bad as we thought, as we were able to hop on the train on our first try.

I worked till 3:30 am that night. Work sucks.

Day 2 in Germany: A Sad, Sad Day...

After dodging jetlag, Tim and I enjoyed a full day in beautiful Munich. We walked around the Altstadt (old part of the city) and visited a couple of churches and the Residenz. We also made some stops to go shopping. We came home exhausted, but after about an hr to rest and take a shower, we headed off to one of the public viewings of the World Cup games. We went to the same open field where they have Oktoberfest. There was a big screen set up and they were selling food and beer. The crowd was a sea of black, red and yellow; everybody was animated and chanting their usual soccer songs. Germany was playing well, and as far as I could tell, it dominated the game. First half ended, and gave way to a more exciting second half. After over 90 min and still a 0-0 score, I really thought that it would go down to penalty kicks, and that for sure Germany had it, because Lehmann, the German goalie, was doing awesome. Well, we all know how this game ended: during the last couple of minutes of overtiime, Italy scored. I heard gasps and when I looked around, I saw looks of stun and desbelief. And then came the second Italy goal. It was over for Germany. It was one of the longest and saddest walks in history...going back home we joined the multitude of disappointed, defeated fans. In my honest and impartial opinion, Germany played better soccer and deserved to win. But that might well be me hoping to watch GERMANY in the final game playing IN GERMANY. But I know that's not going to happen. My only consolation (and trust me, it is very small) is that tomorrow the German jerseys will probably go on sale, as it was the case with Brazil jerseys after their loss last Sunday. I still wish Germany had made it though...

Day 1 in Germany: Dodging Jetlag

We spent all of day travelling. I hate days like that. All you do is sit on the plane and do nothing. I did get some reading done. Seeing that, as always, I procrastinated on my book club book (The Glass Castle), I managed to read about 240 pages on the plane. It started out slow, but got better.

Anyhow, the day before we left for Germany, I realized that I had told my friend Winny, whom we were staying with, that we were arriving in Munich on Sunday. Thing is, we were LEAVING on Sunday, but not getting there till Monday morning. I franctically tried to get a hold of them, but for some reason, he doesn't have voice mail set up on his cell. I ended up managing to get a hold of his roommate Ramona, who said she would pass along the message.

We got to the airport and took the U-Bahn to downtown Munich, where Winny lives. He was indeed at home and made some joke about me once again planning way in advance bu planning wrong. Whatevers, I accept the derision because I deserve it.

After a nice shower, Tim and I headed out to explore Munich. The weather was beautiful, and to my surprise, I found the Altstadt rather empty. We had Indian food and then made a pilgrimage (at least that's what it seemed like) to the Englische Garten, a park in the middle of the city. There we took a 2.5 hr nap, which rejuvenated and put us both in a much better mood!

Since it was Diesel's bday, we went out for dinner to this cool little restaurant down the street from where Winny lives. Winny's roommate Anja and friend Ute joined us for dinner. The food was Turkish, but i SWEAR I got chicken kung pao, which didn't taste Turkish at all. It was all delicious and I would definitely go back when I'm back in town.

To celebrate Diesel's bday, the restaurant gave him a bottle of Prosceco. We finished off the night at a Biergarten, where Winny introduced us to our new favorite drink: Radler (beer + seven up mixed together).

We got home at around 12:30. And that's how we dodged the dreaded jetlag...

On Our Way to Deutschland!

It was a loooong day at work. To get all my stuff done before Tim and I left for Germany, I got to work before 7am and left after 8. It was a long, no fun day...but when I finally turned on my "out of office reply," in outlook, I finally felt some relief, knowing that for at least a week, I would get some well deserved rest....or maybe not...

We are, after all, going to the WORLD CUP! We got tix to see the semi-final game in Munich. If all goes as predicted, we'll be seeing Brazil and England. We're going to see the two quarter-final games tomorrow at Fado. My prediction: Brazil 3 x France 0 and England 2 x Portugal 1.

I'm VERY EXCITED!

Wine and Bike & My Big Chance to Be on TV!

Last weekend we went to the Yakima Valley area for our annual wine & bike trip. We went with Rev. Brian Jacoby (who will be doing our wedding; he is getting quite good at lecturing, and even lectured me extensively this weekend when I started whining), Kristin and Nate and Steve.

The weather was good, although a little too hot for biking. Except for some flat tires (bikes and Tim's car), we made it safe and sound back to the hotel. Oddly enough nobody got tipsy enough.

One of the most exciting things was that at one of the wineries, there was a CBS crew doing a piece on several people who were riding their horses around all the wineries and orchards around Yakima. Of course I tried to move my chair so that I would be in the background, and hopefully make my long-awaited debut on the small screen. It was then to my surprise and delight that at some point during the taping, the cameraman actually told us to "act normal" because we would be on TV!!! The piece will be broadcasted on July 5th on the Early Show.

After the crew left, Brian and I were sent over to beg for the lunch leftovers from the CBS crew. We thought that the wineries served lunch, but obviously we were wrong. We were tired and hungry, so the team sent Brian and me to get some scraps from the catered lunch that the CBS crew had been served. Brian was sent because he is charming and a good story teller. I was probably sent because I'm whiny and skinny enough to look like I'm malnourished. Between having the caterers be charmed or filled with pity, we figured we'd get at least something to eat. Brian did all the talking: "Excuse me--I know this is going to sound pathetic, but we're really hungry...can we have some of your dessert?" Worked like a charm, and minutes later we were all eating the beautiful, but miniscule petit fours, albeit still craving something savery and more substantial.

The next day, we decided to go rafting. Lots of fun.

In Zillah, getting ready to bike

Kristin, Nate, Brian, Tim and Steve
at CBS's Early Show taping

Latest Craving

Meet the new and delicious Cherry Garcia Ice Cream Bar. My favorite Cherry Garcia ice cream, covered with a decadent layer of chocolate.

I've only been able to find it at the convenience store by my house (I actually get off one stop earlier so I can grab me a bar). No luck at Safeway, QFC or Trader Joe's. If you know of any other stores around Belltown that carry it, please let me know.

You Know the World has Gone Awry When...

..you see a minivan parked in front of the Tamarind Tree. Formerly regarded as just another hole in the wall in Chinatown (aka International District for those who wish to be PC), SOMEHOW, this Vietnamese restaurant got written up on the NY Times. And that was the beginning of the end...

You see, when a cheap, but good eats place like that gets written up on a mainstream newspaper, it becomes a mainstream phenomenon. Not only that, it attracts the white peeps; in special, the white peeps that live in the suburbs. In this particular case, it attracted two distinct groups: the hipsters and the soccer moms.

Like it or not, the white peeps ruin the ghettoness of such places, therefore driving up the prices of the food. It's supply and demand. Market economics, call it what you want. No, I'm not trying to be racist. For places such as the Tamarind Tree, gone are the days when one would walk in and be greeted by the smell of moth balls. I'm serious, I've BEEN to those places. My peeps (meaning the Asians) would just shrug it off and say nonchalantly: "Ok, so there are some cockroaches here, but at least they are dead." Not so with a white peep. He/she would FREAK OUT. And I mean FREAK OUT. In the olden days of these places, the customers would not be bothered, and in fact, even expect getting dirty plates, having somebody throw utensils at them and yell at them when taking too long to order.

However, when these places start welcoming the Caucasian clientele, one witnesses some dramatic changes: All of a sudden they try to change the decor, wean out the bad service, and worse: they try to PASS THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT INSPECTION. These little updates produce all sorts of ridiculousness. In the case of the Tamarind Tree, this entailed the following:

1) Change in decor: the addition of a water fountain, where the water cascaded down so fast that instead of a soothing feeling, it had the exact opposite effect. Not to mention the giant tile pieces that were missing from this fountain.

2) Marketing: neon signs advertising the said fountain (something along the lines of "Tamarind Tree: with its famous fountain")

3) Menu overhaul: all of a sudden things such as chicken feet and cow tendons do not make for appetizing entrees anymore. Beef with broccoli and some kind of meat in a sweet and sour sauce sound like a much better idea!

Bear in mind that Jen, Chris, Tim and I went there before I knew about all of this. But as soon as I saw the hipsters hanging out outside and the Chrysler van pull in, I knew I was in for quite an experience.

The food was alright. I would have to give it another try, as I had been sick that day. Service. Well, our waiter started out describing the menu with a lot of fair. We ordered 4 dishes. Out of the 4 dishes, he got one of them wrong and never ordered the 4th one. When we politely brought the incident to the manager's attention, he said he would "take care of us by giving us free dessert." Free food has an effect of making you greedy and order more than you would otherwise. We each ordered something different. The waiter ractified what the manager had said: "So, I know there was some miscommunication, but seeing that you guys waited, etc, etc, I am giving you ONE free dessert." We were like: "ONE?" He's like: "Yeah." We were like: "ONE for the FOUR of us?" He was like: "Uh-huh." That was it. At that point I knew that no matter what, hipsters, minivan, tacky fountain, sweet and sour pork and all, that was still, at heart, an Asian restaurant.

The Most Expensive Jeans EVER (owned by Kelly)

So I got tired of hearing Diesel say I had to most horrible jeans ever. And that I wear them every day. So ok, he was right on both counts. The pair does sag in the back, making it look like I am wearing Depends adult diapers. But it is comfy. And yes, I wear it every day practically, but that's the only pair that I currently own.

Diesel did also bring up a good point. That I should get a NICE pair of jeans, and even if I paid over 100 bucks, as I would get my money's worth by wearing them every day, like I do with the diaper-jeans hybrid.

However, when the time came to shed some big bucks for a pair of blues, I was not up for the challenge. It just seems too expensive and excessive, especially after watching the Motorcycle Diaries, which follows the young Che Guevara and his journeys with the little people, those who live in misery, homeless in their own country, with very little to eat. And here I am, pondering whether I should buy a pair of jeans that would feed all of these people.

Diesel, my rich fiance, tired of seeing the pathetic sight of my behind, decided to put an end to the my fashion misery and bought me a pair of some hip jeans (loved by teenagers that watch MTV). They cost him some big bucks, but now he is much less embarrassed to be seen with me now.

To Die or Not to Die (During Your Honeymoon)

So for our honeymoon, Diesel and I decided we wanted to go to secluded Sri Lanka. The problem with September, when we'll be on our honeymoon, is the weather around the world. It'll eithe be too cool, too muggy, etc.

Sri Lanka and southern India seemed both exotic enough and somewhere where neither of us have been and could explore together.

There is one little problem with Sri Lanka, however: there is a civil war going on. This has been the case for years, and I am still getting versed on why the government and Tamil rebels just won't get along. Diesel and I have been following the news to see if there is any improvement. Here's what we know:

1) The war is, as said, a civil war, and foreigners have not been the target of any attacks
2) The war is restricted to the northern part of the country

However, here is what we also know:
1) Last month, some foreigners were killed by landmines in the northern part of the country, while chasing elephants
2) 2 weeks ago, a bus full of innocent civilians was bombed in norther Sri Lanka

That said, we are now still determining if our chances of survival is great enough to make this exotic trip worth our time...and our lives.

World Cup and Me at Fado's

I scheduled my work hours around Brazil's debut game, which was this Tuesday, Jun 13. My coworker and I headed down to Fado, the Irish pub across the street from work (how convenient!), where we met up with Diesel and my sister Emy.

We sat behind the Brazilian fans, all in yellow and green, playing the drums and screaming at the top of their lungs.

As expected, Brazil won. Not exactly their best performance, but it'll do for now. Kaká is the cutest and Ronaldinho Gaúcho is, unfortunately, the fuggliest. But he is indeed an awesome player and I am rooting for him.

Kaká, the cutest, after scoring Brazil's first goal


Ronaldinho Gaúcho, the fuggliest, showing some mad skills

World Cup Starts

The World Cup started this month. This is a VERY IMPORTANT time in the life of every Brazilian, and as such, I have been closely watching it. AND Diesel and I will be joining the festivities in 2 weeks, when we go to Germany to watch the semi-final game in Munich.

It has been a tumultous road to finding a working stream where I can watch games from my work computer. My coworker and I spent several hours googling sites where we could connect to a live stream of the games. The world seemed like a selfish place. BBC would only broadcast to UK users, and when I tried to connect, sure enough, they denied me access. Brazilian sites even denied me access to cilps of past games. My other peeps, the Chinese, masters of all things illegal, ended up supplying the only live, illegal broadcast of games through a live stream in CHINESE that would buffer every freaking 5 min. It was maddening, but at least it was something.

Lucky me, I'm practically married to a geek: Diesel did come through and found what is surely a very illegal live stream that has ESPN2. It's a peer-to-peer application that works really well. My coworker and I have been enjoying hours of good soccer. We passed it on application to several other coworkers, and currently, dozens of people have it installed in their computer. Productivity has certainly gone down as the hours spent watching soccer go up. Anyhow, if you are interested in joining the herds of the semi-useless, email me and I'll send you the link to download the player.

There have been some moments--several hours, actually--of sheer despair. Last Friday, the live stream went down, and we were cut off from the wonderful world of soccer. I thought somebody found us out, for sure, and decided to deprive many a soccer fans of their right to participate in this great event. Fortunately, later that day, the live stream was ressurrected, to our delight.

The Nasty Sound of a Sigh--When Uttered by BG

I was starting to think that BG (aka Backstabbing Geek, if you have not been following the saga between me and my arch-enemy) was becoming a gentler, kinder soul despite being mostly frustration and meanness. That of course, was an incorrect assumption.

Today he was supposed to send me a revised report, which he told me was going to be ready today, which is what I communicated to the client. But of course he doesn't. As with other things, anything that he has to send me somehow gets ignored or forgotten.

So in an act of good faith, I decided to send him a very polite email inquiring about the status of this report--which I knew he wasn't going to deliver, because as always, everything I ask him to do is "hard and takes a long time." 5 seconds later, which is about the time it takes for him to get my email, I hear this deliberately loud SIGH. ***WHAT THE HELL?***Dude, I'm sitting in the cubicle right across from you, and I can obviously HEAR when you utter a frustrated sigh and SEE you when you make an ugly face! Am I asking you to do anything above and beyond your job. NO!

BG has done this before. I will start counting how many times he does that, and for each time I hear the nasty sound of his sigh, I will dislike him a little more...

Pinot Noir and the Worst Sandwich EVER

Last weekend, Tim surprised me with a trip to the Willemette Valley down in Oregon. The region lies about 30 min from Portland and has several dozen wineries where some awesome American Pinot Noirs have been produced.

Our friend Koko drove down to Portland with us, as she was going to a wedding by Hood River that weekend. We decided to get lunch in Portland at this cool-looking brewery place. Koko and Diesel had muscles and fries and a burger and both liked the food. I, however, decided to go "light and healthy" and ordered the "veggie grinder." Now, I had NO IDEA what a grinder was, but was told that it was a Midwestern hot sub sandwich, which was good enough for me. As the waiter delivered my food, I knew I was in for a bad case of diarrhea (if not worse). The sub was loaded with onions and peppers that had been smothered in butter. I could SEE it and TASTE it, and although it was completely disgusting, I managed to eat half of it. I began to feel queasy shortly after.

The weekend now seems hazy to me. I remember drinking a lot of wine and eating a lot o free food/snacks, mostly cheese and crackers. I also consumed an insane amount of prosciutto. I haven't eaten pork in almost 10 yrs, but somehow, could not stop myself from chowing down the disgusting pieces of meat. Dehydrated, wined out, still suffering from the delayed effects of a sandwich gone bad, and now suffering from a pork overload, I spent the weekend feeling queasy and fighting off a stomach ache.

It was the suck.

As I said, nothing about last weekend is very clear to me. Next thing I know, we are coming back with 2 cases of wine. I am still recovering from my stomach ache, and I'm sure that pigging out at Taco Time tonight did nothing to improve my condition.

Bday Weekend in NY

I'm a bit behind on blogging, but that just goes to show once again that I am NOT a geek in denial, and I CAN live without blogging.

Anyhow, for my bday weekend, I met up with Timothy in NY. He was there for work, and I was there for the free ride on his company's money. It's nice not to feel any remorse about paying for a $30 cab ride (or several) when you could have bought a subway ticket for a fraction of the price.

My mom and I flew to NY together, as she was there to visit a friend (it was her bday weekend too). I really thought I could deal with the red eye, but was utterly mistaken. The Jet Blue flight leaves Seattle at midnight and gets to NY at 8am (5am Seattle-time). Aside from being a long flight at a bad time, the following factors made this one of the WORST flights EVER:

1) Large and in charge guy sitting next to me and spilling over my seat, which left me very little room to move
2) Worst case of projectile vomit from a poor Asian lady who basically passed out, while the flight attendants tended to her and her family wiped off the puke off the plane's ceiling
3) Fussy 3-yr old that screamed for 3 out of the 5 hrs

So upon arriving in NY, after walking around a street fair and up to Central Park, my mom, Diesel and I ended up crashing at the hotel. My mom got picked up by her friend that afternoon and Diesel and I had dinner with MY friend David ("MY" denoting a friend that I will take with me in case of a divorce) and his friend Elaine. Somehow we ended up at this bar that Elaine described as an Eurotrash meeting point, where some random dude kept trying to crash our little circle. Elaine, in all her shamelessness, kept turning her back to him, to no avail.

The next day, we did MOMA and walked a lot. That night, we got great seats to see Avenue Q, a show that came highly recommended by David. In retrospect, I think that David would have been a much better date for Diesel, as several of the jokes in the show were highly embarrassing.

I took Monday off and went shopping! Hooray. NY was a blast...

To S@le or not to S@le?

Besides “Have you got your dress yet?” and “Have you picked a reception place?” the question “Will you be Kelly S?” is right up there when it comes to wedding-related interrogation.

I have put much thought into this, and try as I might, that Seinfeld episode always comes to mind. It’s haunting, really: Jerry is waiting for some woman named Susan Chang at a Chinese restaurant. The lady shows up, and he is stunned to find that the Chang-lady is, in fact, WHITE. Jerry is indignant; he feels betrayed by the woman who wanted to pass herself off as Chinese.

So I ask myself: If somebody is expecting a Kelly S, will they feel indignant and betrayed when they see me, with my black hair and Asian nose, walk into the room? Will I be accused/judged for trying to pass myself off as WHITE? I may as well change my whole name to “SHANIQUA S,” if I really want to play with people’s minds.

I have dreamed all my life for the moment when I, Kelly, would FINALLY rid myself of my lame last name. And as I approach this glorious day, I find myself surrounded by doubt and confusion. Kelly C-S? Kelly C S? Kelly S?

So now I’m taking a poll. I cannot guarantee that your vote will actually count (because in the end I’ll just do whatever I please), but I’d like to see how people feel about this very important issue.

Madwoman with Ancient Computer

Answer, quick: would you give a murderer an axe? Of course not! That would be preposterous, and frankly, a thread to society as a whole.

Then, why oh why, did my work give me an ancient computer? I am, and have been for at least the past 6 months, at my wit’s end. Long hours, endless to-do lists, and urgent, life-or-death requests from the client. It’s really getting to me.

I am going crazy, and have been known to have outbursts in my office, where I talk to myself, bang my mouse on my desk, stomp, and yell at my computer. Honestly, it’s a true display of insanity.

To exacerbate my mental instability, Helpdesk has had me waiting for more computer memory since last month. After repeatedly inquiring about the status on this, I was told that they COULD give me the memory, but Helpdesk kindly reminded me that it was my computer that was "too old.” THANK YOU VERY MUCH for NOTHING. I knew that. The fact that it has been taking me 2 min to open an Excel file was kind of hint. The fact that my cursor freezes on my screen every time I change programs was also sort of a hint as well. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Give me my goddam memory and let me be happy…at least for an hour.

ANALyzing The Love Life (or Lack Thereof) of a Geek

One thing I admire about myself is that I always come across as a nice person. So nice, indeed, that even people that I do not like will, at some point, open up to me. If you are a person who's mean and sexually frustrated (as is the case with the subject of this story) , these heart to heart sessions will come at a price.

So this is what happened to backstabbing geek (aka BG), the villain of many a stories on this blog.

Last Fri we went out to lunch and in a shocking turn of events, I found myself listening, INTERESTED even (to my own shock), in his recounts of past dates and relationships. As I listened to him, of course, I was able to read between the lines and figure out that what he was really talking about were his online one-time dates (past dates) and 4 weeks of seeing a girl once a week (past relationships).

Here are some excerpts from his narrative and my ANALysis of them:

1) "I used to have Jerry Seinfeld syndrome; there was always something wrong with a girl, her hair was too long, she was too short, she had man hands..."
ANALysis: OBVIOUSLY BG does not own a mirror. If he did, he would know what he looks like and come to terms with the fact that he simply cannot afford to be picky given his appearance and personality.

2) "True story: I went out on date with this girl, and after the date, we walked out. Her car was parked pretty close, so I just hugged her [YUCK!] and we parted ways. Right after that, she emailed me and said: "I cannot BELIEVE you didn't walk me to my car!' That was the end of it."
ANALysis: Ok, first off, who the hell starts to tell a true story by prefacing it with "true story"? Somebody who KNOWS that the audience will not BELIEVE that what he is about to tell is, in fact, a true story. This only raises my suspicions that he might be having these dates in his head.

Secondly, what kind of woman goes online RIGHT AFTER a date to send an email? a) a GEEK b) somebody who is pathetic/desperate enough to date online AND pick somebody like BG c) all of the above. The answer is "c."

3) (this is the second part of excerpt #2) "Ok, ok, so I went on another date with another girl [cough, cough, I find it hard to believe that his dating life is that active, unless there is a 10 year hiatus between the first date and this one], and this time, we go to Alki. So I'm walking to her car and she keeps telling me I don't have to, but I insist. Right after the date, she emails me and writes 'I cannot BELIEVE you walked me to my car. You are SUCH a control freak."
ANALysis: Alright, so once again we have a "2c" (see above). Furthermore, just because a computer will respond the same way given a specific input, does not mean that a PERSON will react the same way given a certain action. What BS doesn't understand is that COMPUTERS ≠ PEOPLE (I even wrote it as a math formula, so he can better grasp this concept).

4) "I was once going to ask this girl to marry me, but then she moved to Japan."
ANALysis: This actually made me feel a little sad for him, but only for a split second. What I find interesting is that clearly they had different perceptions of the relationship. BG was ready to settle down, and the girl was...well, trying to get out of the relationship. How much farther could she have travelled than...JAPAN??!!

5) In response to my co-worker's question on whether he did a lot of online dating, BG said: "Sometimes."
ANALysis: "SOMETIMES"??? "SOMETIMES"??? I think not. I'd say "ALL THE TIME" is more like it.

So there you have it. Some insights into a poor Geek's love life (or lack thereof).

Pepto Bismol Anyone?

This weekend we all headed up to Baker one last time this season. It was the last weekend the resort would be open, so of course that was cause for celebration. There would be some spring skiing/snowboarding, followed by Ron's party (who I must say, I've only met once) and a lot of hanging out.

So much excitement!

Somewhere along the way, though, the excitement died. I can pretty much pinpoint the exact moment when the excitement ended. It was Sat morning, when I woke up feeling uhm, not so good. What started out as a stomach ache turned into fatigue, which turned into two hours of sleeping by myself in the car (while Erica and Emily went snowshoeing), which turned into several hours of puking. Erica took good care of me and after the party started, I was still laying in bed. The last puking incident finally brought Diesel into the picture, and he decided it was best we drove home.

After 15 hrs of sleep, some more hurling and two meals of nothing but Sprite and saltines, I finally felt a lot better.

Today I went to work and somewhere in the conversation, somebody mentioned they were sick all weekend. People started rising up from their cubicles, pointing at each other and saying: "You too???" All in all, 5 of us were sick over the weekend, victims to the same symptoms. John and I slept it off and backstabbing geek (the wimp! If you ask me, he could stand to puke and have diarrhea for a while and lose several pounds) went to the ER. Courtney said she knew she was coming down with something, and proudly waved the bottle of Pepto Bismol that she had been taking. Just as fast we all got into what could have been that got us all sick. While part of the room thought it was the Thai food we all had on Fri, the other half blamed the biscotti they all had. We didn't come to any conclusion. The important part was, after all, that we were all better.

False Advertising

My friend Chris once told us the story about his aunt, who at 60, straddles around with her fake tan and imagine that, velour-type sweatpants with the word "juicy" written across her butt.

In this instance, it is obvious that Chris's aunt's butt was, indeed, not juicy at all.

In the last couple of weeks, however, I have noticed a series of similar false advertising displays all around Seattle; two of these examples definitely worth mentioning to prove my point.

The first was a couple of weeks ago, where I, while waiting for my bus, spotted a fairly attractive girl, who was wearing her matching white hoodie/sweatpants combo. What is noteworthy, however, is the pants: they were white, almost see-through, made of soft material that definitely tightly hugged her butt, with the word "JUICY" stamped across it. Now, suffice it to say, that the contour was not that of a smooth pair of cheeks; on the contrary, one could definitely see not two sets of humps, but several little jiggly bits moving underneath the white canvas. I think it's fairly safe to say that what was hiding behind those pants, was in fact, a cottage cheese butt, if you get what I mean. So no, not "juicy" at all. "Jello-ish," maybe, but not "juicy."

My second encounter with this kind of overt false advertising took place just a couple of days ago, where, while walking home from work, I noticed a full-figured woman (come on, we're being PC here) proudly showing off her ultra-tight black t-shirt with the words "HOT STUFF" written across her boobonic rack in METALLIC SPARKLES. Now, I don't have anything against the well-endowned (in fact, I envy them, as I have small ones), but I believe that boobs that take up 3/4 of a woman's torax is NOT what I would call "HOT STUFF", especially when embellished by some tacky gold color sparkles.

Advertisers get sued all the time for false advertising, so why is it that people can walk around doing the same and not having to deal with the consequences???

At Work on Sat

I'm finishing up some things at work. Yes, it's sad. Sat, nice, sunny day (which has been rare around these parts), and I'm at work by myself. It's been 4 hrs since I got here...

So the funny part is that my supervisor said that she is trying to get more headcount for this team; however, it's hard for her to make a case for that when Falguni and I are still working BELOW the department average. WHAT THE HELL??? I only see a few people that get here at 8:30 and the floors CERTAINLY clear up as soon as 5:30 rolls around. I've been working my butt off, 10+ hrs a day (with no lunch break and very few bathroom brakes, which must not be good) and now Saturday.

So I think to myself: Are these people LYING? Do these people really WORK FROM HOME as they claim they do? I'm all for believing in the good nature of people, but everything I see leads me to believe that there are some people who are lying about how many hours they work, messing up the department curve and making me look like a slacker.

I will have to do some investigation around here...

Prayer Chain (Please don't die Diesel)

So Diesel and some guys took off this morning on their quest to summit Mount Rainier.
Simultaneously, I have started a prayer chain, where me, myself, and the few other people that care about him will pray for his safety and hope for his successful summit of Rainier.
You see, Diesel has not been training for this. Sure, the guy has done it once (but alternatively failed once too), but his previous attempts were preceeded by dedication, hard work and a good amount of training.

This time Diesel goes with only hope and the Hudson boys. Hope that he will make it without any sort of significant training and prep work and the Hudson boys, who both Brian and he have been referring to as "horses." The plan is to have the Hudson boys do all the bushwhacking. Not sure if the Hudson boys are aware of this, but I do hope that Brian and Diesel are not overrelying on them.

If you read this and would like to join the prayer chain, feel free to do so.

The Parable of the Poor Old Lady--according to Lauren and Kelly

Kelly:.says:
[diesel] he came back from ny
.....:Lauren:..... says:
uh huh
.:Kelly:. says:
w/ a new shirt for me and a t-shirt
.....:Lauren:..... says:
with a BIG gift?
.:Kelly:. says:
AND
.....:Lauren:..... says:
HAHAHAHAHHA
.....:Lauren:..... says:
NICE!
.:Kelly:. says:
no, he's not as rich as jay
.....:Lauren:..... says:
hahahahaahhaha
.:Kelly:. says:
but if you look in terms of percentage of salary
.:Kelly:. says:
it was like jay giving you a trip to san diego
.....:Lauren:..... says:
HAHAHAHAHAH
.:Kelly:. says:
it's like the parable of the old lady, ya know?
.....:Lauren:..... says:
too funny
.....:Lauren:..... says:
yeah totally
.:Kelly:. says:
in the bible, that she gave very little money to jesus?
.....:Lauren:..... says:
she gave half a cent
.....:Lauren:..... says:
but was a broke ass
.:Kelly:. says:
but jesus said that based on what she had it was a fortune
.:Kelly:. says:
TOTALLY
.....:Lauren:..... says:
which were millions in the eyes of God
.:Kelly:. says:
i can tell we are BOTH very RELIGIOUS
.....:Lauren:..... says:
AHAHAHHAHAHA
.:Kelly:. says:
you even know how much it was
.....:Lauren:..... says:
asian parents
.....:Lauren:..... says:
AHAHHAAH
.:Kelly:. says:
HAHHAHAHAA
.....:Lauren:..... says:
too funny

Scottish Lakes

This weekend, Tim and our friends Gabe, Leslie and Al went up to Scottish Lakes, which is on the other side of Stevens Pass. It is quite the trip, from a logistics point of view, as we had to drive up past Stevens, get picked up at the parking lot by some big trucks and then switch to snowmobiles, which took us up to High Camp (elevation 5,000 ft).

We stayed at this super ("super" being the word of the weekend) cabin, which had 2 sets of twin size bunkbeds, a loft, and a fully furnished kitchen downstairs. There was no running water nor electricity, just a woodburning stove, oil lamps and a bathroom outside, which we shared with all the other guests. There was also a very cool woodfire hottub, where much to our shock, we found four older women bathing in.

Other than that, the weekend reminded me of little house on the prairie, where we had to fetch our own water and firewood (we got it from the lodge, but still it was an arduous and long walk to the lodge in the snow), did dishes in bins, and had to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the outhouse.

On Sat morning we headed up one of the trails to go cross country skiing. Right off the bat Tim and I noticed there was something really wrong with the skis that I had borrowed from a friend: they were totally smooth and it was impossible to go up the slightest hill on them. Tim, being a much better skier than me (who have only been once before that), switched skis with me, and off we went, on our merry way. Merry, that is, for only 1/4 mile.

Between my lack of skills and Tim's smooth skis, we both became very frustrated and trailed behind the rest of the group. We finally managed to regroup on a medow with a much gentler slope that we skiied on for about half an hr. Fearing being shunned by our friends by our lack of skills and slowness, we decided to tell them right then that we would split up and go our separate ways. Tim and I followed the signs back to High Camp via Jirka's trail. That turned out to be quite a disaster.

Much to my shock, we looked down to find that to get home, we would have to ski down a very steep slow dotted by trees along the way. The trail was skinny and the journey disastrous. We came out of our little trip with skis on our backs and very sour faces. But we were alive, nevertheless.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing Scrabble with Rick, one of the hosts at the lodge. Sat night we had a potluck dinner with the staff and the other guests, followed by a game of gin rummy. There was a group playing guitar and singing songs.

All in all, Scottish Lakes was an amazing place. It sounds cheesy, but I would even venture saying that it was magical: a little village high on a mountain, that sense of community and just a gorgeous view, whereever you looked.

Meet Ed Viesturs

Last Wednesday I got to see one of the most amazing Seattle, heck, world personalities. Erica, Brian, Diesel and myself went to this month's National Geographic Speaker Series to see Ed Viesturs.

I first heard of Viesturs after picking up Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air. The book has become a must for anybody who's interested in mountaineering and also became a national best-seller. It has also become one of my favorite books, partly because of Krakauer's storytelling, partly because the story of the 1996 tragedy where 8 people died trying to climb Everett is compelling and haunting.

Viesturs was eloquent, entertaining and yes, charming. He took us through his journey as the only American to climb all 14 8,000-meter peaks. His list of acquaintances reads like a mountaineering celeb book: Rob Hall, Scott Fisher, etc. I was truly amazed by his story as a boy in Illinois who, after reading Maurice Herzog's account of climbing Mount Annapurna, decided that one day he would climb it too. And so he did.

Last May, after two previous failed attempts, Viesturs summitted Annapurna. His journey was surrounded by a lot of buzz, and folks were able to follow his journey online, as it was covered by MSN Travel. Here are some links to videos he made during his journey:

Viesturs on the Summit of Annapurna
Avalanche Risk on Annapurna
Inside the Tent at Annapurna's Camp 2

Diesel Is an Asian Schemer

Being the good and honest white peep that he is, Diesel was often shocked at some of the Asian schemes I pulled to save some money.
However, I am proud to announce that some of that has been rubbing off on him. Today, when he took Drew to the aquarium, Diesel LIED about having THREE children, so he could save money by buying a FAMILY PASS.

Diesel Is an Egg

Seno once said that Diesel was a "good egg," but I call Diesel an egg for other reasons: white on the outside, yellow on the inside.

God Bless DDR!

Tim and I have been busy remodelling his kitchen, so although I was very excited about finally cracking open my DDR set and joining the new dance revolution, I just never got around to doing it. Never, that is, until this weekend.

In honor of the greatest Japanese invention of the decade, I decided to throw a DDR party last Friday. This was, of course, only an excuse to catch up with friends and give everybody a chance to bust out those dance moves that they've been saving for a special occasion. And believe me, these were moves that I had NEVER seen before, moves that had been hidden for a REASON. For the most part, people were horrible, but I think everybody had fun.

The next night we had a dinner party and had some more friends over. Even though this was not a party revolving around DDR, we did end up playing it...again. I even have some footage of the Barb vs. Tim duel, which I will be uploading somewhere shortly. I can't say either of them have been elevated to the title of DDR Master, but I got to say that the little video is damn funny.

What I am most thankful for about this weekend, is the fact that Tim and I have inspired others to get their own DDR sets: Tarah ebayed hers right after the party, and Barb just asked Tim if she should buy the PS2 or XBox version of the game. Got bless DDR!

Wedding Contract for Ben

I, Benjamin Scott Licona, do hereby commit myself to attend my good friend Kelly Chow's wedding to her fiance Tim (Diesel) Sale to take place at the Alderbrook Lodge Saturday, September 2nd, 2006.

I am obliged to go to this most important event, for which I have received an eight-month notice. I will not, under any circumstances (except for death), fail to be present at this event. Should any unforeseen circumtances come up, I am required to notify Kelly Chow immediately and trust in her decision to excuse my absence.

If, however, my absence is not excused, I will compensate her with an item to be determined by a board composed of both Lauren Choi (witness) and Kelly Chow, who will be fair and reasonable. This item will be no less than $500 and no more than $1000.



----------------------------------

Please sign: Ben Licona

----------------------------------

Please sign: Lauren Choi (witness)

The New Dance Revolution

"Don't drink and do DDR"

Sound advice from a 15-year-old kid. It was 9:30, and after watching the new Queen Latifah movie, Tim and I decided to go to GameWorks.True, we were about twice as old as the other kids there. And yes, the game that we ended up playing was RIGHT IN FRONT of the place, by all the windows, where EVERYBODY can see you. But we didn't care. We were up for a night of DDR.

"What the heck is DDR?," you ask.

Well, DDR is only the COOLEST GAME EVER, aka DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION (yes, "dance" twice, not just for effect, but because it's truly about dancing).

Here are the components of this most exciting and fun game:

1) Game itself with tons of Eurotrash hits
2) Dancing pads, which provide quite a workout














Now, the white boy and the Asian girl really sucked indeed (I did take off my boots so I could dance better, only to have the workers there tell me to put them back on), but we had fun. So much so, in fact, that I decided to buy the home version of DDR.

Upon arriving at work today, my friend Lauren and I spent several minutes ebaying the item. I was stunned at the amount of DDR games/pads that are out there!

Apparently I was totally unaware of the dance revolution that is taking place out there. Unlike the 70's disco dance revolution, this dance revolution is taking place in the houses of geeks all over the world! Geeks who will not leave their house, but feel very comfortable busting out their Napoleon Dynamite moves in the safety of their home.

I'm no geek, but I am gladly joining this dance revolution. I shall organize a dance-athon even and invite all my girlfriends. This will be FUN!

D00d!!! I just found out there are REAL DDR COMPETITIONS! Check out this link, it's really inspirational videos:

3rd Place Champ 2002
DDR'ing to Ricky Martin
Large and in charge do the DDR
My peeps do the DDR

AND, there are organized teams that practice and get ready for competitions. To find your local chapter, click here.

Weird Geek Looks for Love

Ok, so unfortunately I have had the very unpleasant experience of being asked out by Geeks over e-mail, but this is ridiculous!

Keep in mind that "Weird Geek" (whose identity shall not be revealed...He might not have any self-respect, but I'm trying to help him out here...) is a complete stranger.

All of Weird Geek's e-mails are in "slimy green," which is what he is...slimy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:07 PM
To: Kelly Chow
Subject: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Yo, Good to see, Galen, eh? Glad you made it by last night.
How about Friday, can you make the Heat? Best game all year? Maybe the Eastern Conference finalists? Can you make it?

D Weird Geek

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kelly Chow
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:10 PM
To: Weird GeekSubject: RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Hi Weird Geek, I don't think this was meant for me...Just want to make sure you send it to the right person...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:15 PM
To: Kelly ChowSubject:

RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns
Ah... nope. That's embarrassing. It was meant for my buddy CHRIS Chow. Oops. Well, since I haven't asked him yet, wanna go instead? lol
Thanks, Weird Geek

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Kelly Chow
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:19 PM
To: Weird GeekSubject:
RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

:) I think your buddy would appreciate the game more than I ever would :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Weird Geek
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 3:36 PM
To: Kelly Chow
Subject: RE: Sonics... Friday night... Mr. Payton returns

Right on. Sorry bout that. D

I'm Getting a CROWN!

"And for what?," you ask?

For my CAVITIES, that's why!

After several years dodging the dreadful visit to the dentist, I finally got up the courage to go. And only because I was convinced that I had A (as opposed to "several") cavity.

The dentist, who was very nice and seemed to be knowledgeable, tried to explain to me what a crown is. Technicalities aside, it all boils down to this: crowns are for people who are old and/or have bad teeth.

I was totally unconsoled by the fact that my dentist said 1) "all of the teeth he had were crowns" and that 2) "he got his first crown at 24."

If anything, the thought of having a dentist whose own front teeth are all crowns only made me more nervous. Should I really be putting my oral health in the hands of a dentist that doesn't know how to floss and/or doesn't brush his teeth often enough?

Trepidation aside, his second reason didn't ease my concerns either; after all, getting your first crown is not like getting your first period, a milestone celebrated by every young lady, excited about entering puberty and womanhood (only to find out that having your period every month sucks).

If anything, I'm one stop closer to toothlessness.

And get this: The "procedure" (deemed as such to disguise the shame I feel for having crowns put in) will cost me over $1,000 out of pocket! Even with insurance, which covers about 50% of it. The only bright side is that they'll give me laughing gas during the procedure (note that I'll have to pay extra for the laughing gas), which means I'll be laughing all the way to the bank--and my overdrawn account...literally.

So that was the perfect end to my "comcastic" (in honor of Comcast, responsible for my defunct Internet connection--hooray to unfairly exorbitant cable fees which forces people like me to pull the plug on cable!--I did it last night) day.

Damn Those Geeks

...and damn one in particular: the backstabbing geek that works with me, which shall be called BG (for backstabbing geek) from now on.

If you're familiar with my postings, he is the damn geek who's responsible for the greatest visual offense in my workplace, namely, his little Cosby sweater/maroon turtleneck combo. Not to mention his high water pants--he doesn't actually mean for them to be capri pants; it's just that he should be getting "tall" pants, but it seems like he doesn't think spending the extra money is worth it.

Sometimes you can't help but feel sorry for somebody so fashion and socially inept like this, but when a damn geek has an evil personality to match, well, then they are getting what they deserve.

So BG has tried to backstab me numerous times at work. I could go on and on about the shady tricks he tried to pull: blaming me for the way a report turned out (in that case, I told the whole team what had really happened, and he was silent--I think he was taken aback by the fact that I actually spoke up) or for the fact that we went way overbudget for one of our campaigns (when EVERYBODY knew that our supervisor specifically assigned HIM to monitor spend in this campaign), etc, etc.

I have even had people come up to me and ask what the hell his problem is and even go so far as to ask me why he's such an asshole. My manager has also brought up his attitude during one of our meetings, profusely apologizing for the fact that I had to "go through that." So in the land of the paranoid, well, in that land, there is no Kelly, because his condescending demeanor to me as well as the lack of respect that he shows are indeed, very real.

I have (and so has my supervisor) noticed that to get one piece of information I have to ask him for it two or three times.

This month, accounting is a mess, and although he is the one responsible for accounting, I've had to spend several hours cleaning up the accounting mess. Granted it was not his fault, I am not getting any help from him whatsoever. The worst part is, he always sends out e-mails to me saying that he'll help me (cc'ing my supervisor, so she THINKS he's helping me), but never does. Every time I ask for reports, etc, he will either 1) sigh in annoyance 2) second guess the fact that I actually NEED the requested information 3) find a way to turn things around and say that I in fact don't understand what's going on.

I have tried several strategies to deal with him in a civilized way, including asking my supervisor straight up if the way I'm doing things are correct (so BG can hear her say that) or ignoring his attitude altogether.

Well, the time has come. The damn geek is going down. I'm tired of his attitude and his lack of social skills. If you can't find a gf (he told me he THOUGHT he had a gf--and was even happy for a while, but all that bliss has come crashing down this week, so I need to inquire about his so-called relationship), don't have any friends but your computer and geek books, don't go taking it out on nice people such as myself.

With my supervisor gone during Feb and putting ME in charge of things, I just can't afford to deal with his attitude problem. I'll put BG in his place and retalliate if necessary. To get things done, of course.

More to come...