ANALyzing The Love Life (or Lack Thereof) of a Geek

One thing I admire about myself is that I always come across as a nice person. So nice, indeed, that even people that I do not like will, at some point, open up to me. If you are a person who's mean and sexually frustrated (as is the case with the subject of this story) , these heart to heart sessions will come at a price.

So this is what happened to backstabbing geek (aka BG), the villain of many a stories on this blog.

Last Fri we went out to lunch and in a shocking turn of events, I found myself listening, INTERESTED even (to my own shock), in his recounts of past dates and relationships. As I listened to him, of course, I was able to read between the lines and figure out that what he was really talking about were his online one-time dates (past dates) and 4 weeks of seeing a girl once a week (past relationships).

Here are some excerpts from his narrative and my ANALysis of them:

1) "I used to have Jerry Seinfeld syndrome; there was always something wrong with a girl, her hair was too long, she was too short, she had man hands..."
ANALysis: OBVIOUSLY BG does not own a mirror. If he did, he would know what he looks like and come to terms with the fact that he simply cannot afford to be picky given his appearance and personality.

2) "True story: I went out on date with this girl, and after the date, we walked out. Her car was parked pretty close, so I just hugged her [YUCK!] and we parted ways. Right after that, she emailed me and said: "I cannot BELIEVE you didn't walk me to my car!' That was the end of it."
ANALysis: Ok, first off, who the hell starts to tell a true story by prefacing it with "true story"? Somebody who KNOWS that the audience will not BELIEVE that what he is about to tell is, in fact, a true story. This only raises my suspicions that he might be having these dates in his head.

Secondly, what kind of woman goes online RIGHT AFTER a date to send an email? a) a GEEK b) somebody who is pathetic/desperate enough to date online AND pick somebody like BG c) all of the above. The answer is "c."

3) (this is the second part of excerpt #2) "Ok, ok, so I went on another date with another girl [cough, cough, I find it hard to believe that his dating life is that active, unless there is a 10 year hiatus between the first date and this one], and this time, we go to Alki. So I'm walking to her car and she keeps telling me I don't have to, but I insist. Right after the date, she emails me and writes 'I cannot BELIEVE you walked me to my car. You are SUCH a control freak."
ANALysis: Alright, so once again we have a "2c" (see above). Furthermore, just because a computer will respond the same way given a specific input, does not mean that a PERSON will react the same way given a certain action. What BS doesn't understand is that COMPUTERS ≠ PEOPLE (I even wrote it as a math formula, so he can better grasp this concept).

4) "I was once going to ask this girl to marry me, but then she moved to Japan."
ANALysis: This actually made me feel a little sad for him, but only for a split second. What I find interesting is that clearly they had different perceptions of the relationship. BG was ready to settle down, and the girl was...well, trying to get out of the relationship. How much farther could she have travelled than...JAPAN??!!

5) In response to my co-worker's question on whether he did a lot of online dating, BG said: "Sometimes."
ANALysis: "SOMETIMES"??? "SOMETIMES"??? I think not. I'd say "ALL THE TIME" is more like it.

So there you have it. Some insights into a poor Geek's love life (or lack thereof).